


Let Me Right Us

by princessrinyuki



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bottom Loki, Give them all the love, I don't even know what is this, Just some Thor's POV I think, M/M, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Thor is precious, Tony Stark gives Thor something to think about, Top Thor, that's pretty much it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 09:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13972137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessrinyuki/pseuds/princessrinyuki
Summary: “Tell me, does your biggest fear gnaw on you so much that for one crazy second, you think if it choose to finally happen, at least it would free you?”





	Let Me Right Us

**Author's Note:**

> Rating can go up in later chapters. If you love it or have suggestions/prompts for this please leave a review, thank you so much and please enjoy. 
> 
> Some thoughts in this are Thor’s and not my own.
> 
> This work hasn't gone through beta-reading so forgive me if I made any mistakes.

_ “Tell me, does your biggest fear gnaw on you so much that for one crazy second, you think if it choose to finally happen, at least it would free you?” _

 

It should be surprising, perhaps, that during the years Thor took travelling the galaxies, when his mind was not plagued with the burden of Ragnarok, he often thought about that one line Tony Stark said. 

 

It was on the night before Thor was supposed to leave for his journey, he remembered. They were alone at the bar, drinking whiskey like beer (he can differentiate Midgardians’ alcoholic beverages now), being uncharacteristically quiet, so Thor was a bit startled when then out of the blue he asked that. Tony ranted without ever looking up from his golden liquid,  _ if it happens, at least I can try to do something about it; and if I can’t, at least then I will have proof of my own impotence.  _

 

Tony knew Thor understood, so Thor did not bother to ask first what that meant. They never talked about those dreams The Witch showed them, no, but Thor knew he and Tony shared the same kind of fear. They realized it the first second they looked at each other before things all fell apart. It was not just death, it was massacre. The massacre of their own people, and they were ones to blame. Sometimes, coming out alive didn’t equal being winners. And the knowledge leave ghosts weighing on their shoulders, in their minds, clouding their eyes like a layer of ash.

 

Thor did not answer him, of course. His comrade was drunk, so he told the invisible Lady Of The Building called Friday to get her master to bed. 

 

Still, the words echoed through him and coiled around his heart like a snake. One would think it should have fueled his drive to get the gems sooner, or at least got him to think about his homeland more often, but Thor had had enough vision of a dying Asgard. Instead, Thor thought of his brother, who had to carry in his heart the fear of inadequacy for a millenium, only to find out later on that he indeed, was. Not because he was not trying enough, just because people had wronged him. Because Thor had wronged him. 

 

Thor also wondered if that was just out of curiosity or some pathetic excuse of himself to feel less guilty about what was left beyond broken bridges. Or bridge.

 

\---

 

Would he be glad to have Ragnarok finally happen, though, just because the sight of it had been torturing him so? The thought was amazingly cruel and selfish when said aloud that he never gave himself in to answer it. Even when he woke up nightmares after nightmares about hollowed eyes filling up his planet of gold. When he dreamed about Odin looking at him with disappointment. He did not answer, when he  _ hallucinated  _ seeing Loki, battered and bloody, telling him he did not die for this. 

 

He did ask his brother though,  _ Do you feel relieved? Freed, to have your worst fear materialised before your eyes? To have your world crumble at your feet and right then have proof that you truly could not do anything about it?  _

 

If it was another matter, Loki might have even praised him for the poetic choice of words, but because Loki was Loki and Thor was Thor that it was an incredibly rude question. Thor thought it was only fair he was stabbed afterwards. But he did not apologize. There was no point breaking a living person and then apologize to a ghost of his heart. 

 

When Thor found out it was Loki who caused Ragnarok, he told himself he did not know what to think. 

And what he felt when Asgard went down in flames, he kept to himself, buried.

 

\---

 

“You should rest more. Your remaining eye needs that, I suppose.”

 

Thor indulged himself for a few more moments before slowly opened up his eye and turned towards the source of the sound. He was still in the master room on the ship, but there was also Loki sitting comfortably on the armchair next to his bed, staring into space. Thor did not need to ask why Loki knew. They had learned through countless battles to notice the shift of energy when one another is awake.

 

“You know sleep is to me more a surplus than a necessity, brother.” It was true, Thor had a body especially tailored for wars, as he did not know exhaustion and could go on fighting for as long as needed without supplies. It was a trait he was once so proud of, that he was born to be the protector of Asgard. At the moment, though, he realized he was probably just a “nicer” version of his sister.  

 

“I wouldn’t dare assume, you already established that I did not know you as well as I had before, did you not?”

“We both know you are not mad at what I said back on Sakaar. Stop throwing my words back at me now.” 

 

That earned Thor a turn from the armchair and a look. He smiled. 

 

“Dreamed of something fun? You seems energized upon waking.” Loki seemed more cautious now. He raised an eyebrow, but Thor just shrugged.

“Aye, just of another dream I once had back when I was still chasing the gems.” If Loki showed any reaction towards the word, Thor could not catch it. “A dream of a dream, it may even be my new talent, would you say?”

“If they are all in the past, I dare say I have never heard of a gift more vain.” Came the playful reply, and Thor laughed. 

“Come here.” Thor reached out to take Loki’s hand, and when met with no retaliation, pulled his brother to bed and into another embrace. “I’m sorry.” 

 

Loki was there, the first hug they had standing in this room was awkward and emotional, but at this moment Thor could actually take time to appreciate the feel of Loki’s solid weight, his warmth, his beating heart beneath these hands of his.

 

Loki was there, and he was not a ghost.

 

“I’m sorry this family had wronged you, I’m sorry for all the things I could have done to protect and honor you and I had not. I’m sorry I killed my little brother who loved me and I miss him and I know he will never come back to me, but I’m glad you are here, Loki. You paid for your misdeeds and I can only hope I paid mine. We could never get back to what we once were, but I am glad you are here. And you can go on and tell me I am a sentimental fool and stab me again right now but I will not take my words back. Welcome home, brother, Loki” 

 

Thor made it a point to apologize properly. In return, Loki just looked terribly unimpressed.

 

“You just tell me to stab you so I will not stab you, Thor, that is like, the oldest trick in the book.”

“I just poured my heart out right there and all you heard was- wait, there was a book of tricks?”

“Thank you, I almost believed there was an imposter of my brother that did a terrible imitating job because he didn’t sound like Thor at all.”

 

There was a pause, and then Thor laughed a little bit harder than he should, and he told Loki he loved him through the laughter, and he heard no replies but his heart clenched and his eye burned all the same. For a fraction of a moment, he thought if the massacre of Asgard should be the price for his brother to come back to his side, it was worth it. 

 

Thor knew right then he should be condemned for eternity and banned permanently from entering Vahalla just for that fleeting shadow of a thought. And he himself would feel terrible in the next minute, and he would continue to mourn and grieve when he stepped out of the door, but not this moment.

 

This was being free, he thought, he was deprived of this for so long. This was warmth. This was liberation. This was relief.

 

This was happiness.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
